"Branded" (2012)

Synoppsis:
A man sees a conspiracy behind advertising, which no one else can see, in which businesses are run by monsters and he is the only one who can stop it.

Review:
This is a complete joke of a film. I will be spoiling it for some folks. First of all, the trailer is very misleading. It makes it look like a sci-fi blockbuster about a monster conspiracy behind marketing. For instance, in the trailer, you see these dragons and candy monsters and wraiths and a cool looking coca-cola monster, all of which can only be seen by our protagonist. This is an intriguing idea that could have worked and been made into a pretty awesome sci-fi thriller. Unfortunately what we have here is a poorly written, incoherent and remarkably dull propaganda snoozefest featuring a bland and uninteresting lead character and subplots that go absolutely nowhere.

Nothing in this movie makes any sense whatsoever. Now matter how hard you try to interpret it, you will still be left puzzled.

The story begins with our protagonist Misha as a child getting struck by lightning and being informed that things will be different for him. Years later, Misha is grown up and is working for a marketing campaign in Moscow. His boss has a niece named Abby. Misha and Abby fall in love and the remainder of the film is focused on their relationship. Misha's boss then gets a heart attack and then Misha leaves Moscow and becomes a farmer.

Six years later, Misha has a dream that tells him to do something. Misha wakes up the next day and sacrifices a red cow which supposedly causes him to see things that no one else can see. Then, Misha returns to Moscow and learns that Abby was pregnant when he left and now has a six year old son. At Moscow, there is a burger joint and a vegetarian Chinese buffet which are rivals. Misha can see creatures running the businesses. A candy monster runs the burger joint and a bunch of dragons run the Chinese buffet. Then advertising is banned. The end. None of the monsters show up until the last 10 minutes or so. Plus the CG effects are Nintendo 64 style. I just saved you 100 minutes. I do not recommend this film.

In the end, I'll say "Branded" is a waste of an intriguing idea.

Max Scale:
1/10